We have countless interactions and conversations each day and so much of our on-going thoughts come from responses to these passings with people. I've started investigating how to enjoy the most out of these powwows and let me tell you that learning how to converse is joyfully lightening on the body and the heart/mind. My investigation is in the quick conversations on the supposedly benign, the general but more full conversations with a B, M and E, to the conversations we keep in a leather sack, tied tightly and aggressively.
Being available to all communication takes courage.
For those everyday heys, I'm putting attention into seeing and breathing. Seeing you for a moment as you ask for a pen, or as you hand me a receipt, or as I pass you a crate of rutabaga and I am seeing you and breathing. It is simple and satiating.
Full conversations with friends and strangers I can drift in and out. My new modo is, be there, allow space and then be spontaneously honest. What is coming up out of the space without being pre-planned. What exists in the mind that we are not recognizing because we tend to grab onto the familiar, or the predetermined thoughts? On those scattered days begin first with synchronizing the body-mind/heart and then move towards presence, space and expression.
Oh and ofcourse those dark conversations require more details to expound upon...
Drive all blames into one
Often we put off those purposely sequestered conversations because we are scared, we do not want to bother or hurt someone and for any reason you can think of put that here . What I am learning is that, yes I am scared to bring certain topics up with certain people, but often times it is mainly because I do not want to hear what they have to say. I want to be able to express myself and want to continue my story about what happened or why I am right. I do not want to have to acknowledge my part in the relationship/situation.
I have been testing this out. I begin with requesting a time to talk. I offer up the conversation taking ownership of some part of the topic or issue at hand. In my first experiment, the conversation began well and then started to become fiery and tight. It drifted into habitual communication and I quickly realized that my ego was certainly being stroked but my heart was in pain. After some minutes of quiet, I let go of my need for protection. I realized that words do not actually hurt me. I can hold them and listen to not just the words but the heart they are coming from. As I lifted the words and peered into the emotional being expressing them, I responded to that place, not to the literal words. I heard them and as I sat with their heart I felt mine as the same. I felt the struggle they were experiencing. When I finally spoke again what came out without my own knowing, was that I heard them. Holding both of our hearts, I expressed my need in the relationship and reconfirmed their need once more. Then we moved on with good full breaths and openness, knowing that by allowing ourselves to change our patterns of communication and response with the help of listening from spaciousness and spontaneity, we can no longer expect the outcome of our meetings. In that, each moment of life is meaningful as it is not predestined and dull but fresh, unknown and alive.
As my compassion and love grows for another, it grows for myself. As self-love grows, it too is synonymous for my love for you and you being synonymous for all beings.
May we truly listen and see all Beings, Earth and Cosmos as one.
*Drive all blames into one, Chogyam Trungpa:
Drive all blames into one means that all the problems and the complications that exist around our practice, realization, and understanding are not somebody else's fault. All the blame always starts with ourselves.
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