We are Delusional, Sometimes.

Sitting quietly

doing nothing

Spring comes

and the grass grow 

by itself*

{*zen saying}

Part I:


A darlin' x soul sister friend and I went to a day retreat with Anam Thubten the other Sunday.  A main topic was that the majority of our experience is delusional.  Being delusional in this case is believing our thoughts, believing our own perceptions as reality.

The notion is that as we develop and age, we create thoughts in our mind and those thoughts once repeated, become our reality.

Our thoughts become truths.
It is no longer just a passing cloud that dissipates, allowing the next experience to arise and show itself.

This is so major because most of us are over-run by our thoughts.  All day long we have a handful of repetitive thoughts and our thoughts and attachment to these thoughts allow us to have an identity.  They give us some "thing" to stand on.  Yet our thoughts are often just assumptions put together, creating beliefs that we decide at some point are true, are real.

So each morning we wake up and immediately grasp onto these beliefs.  I am ....  They think.... This world is ....  My job is....  I am right or wrong because ....  They are wrong or right because .... Success means ....  The perfect ... means ....  Beauty is .... Ugly is.... and so on.

I'm tired.
It's tiring to hold on to so much.
It's limiting.
And it's a fun game to point out minute by minute delusions!

So lately when I feel crumminess.  Any closing down in my heart or tightness in my physical body.  If I am conscious enough in that moment I playfully identify where the delusion lies.

So for instance.  Today I was feeling guilty about being a bit abrupt in response to a question.  And I started to percolate on the guilt and on excuses as to why I was so abrupt: "Well I don't have the time to answer that question""Gosh, I'm such a jerk.  Why couldn't I just be more patient." "They probably don't like me right now."  These are certainly responses I have had many times before.  And where am I getting with this?

So.  Pausing.  I see my delusions.  I see that I am trying to create reality about why this happened and the issue etc.  And in this instance I walked directly to the person and was straight up with them.  "I want to be more patient.  Ask me that question anytime"  And instead of getting carried away thinking about how they now responded to this situation.  That's it.  Let it go.  And continue to practice coming to the present and living.  Coming to the present and responding from this place.  Not responding from the mind's delusions.  The "mental disorders."

And when I walk through the garden, my mind can be so fixed as to what is orderly, what is unacceptable under my terms of a good garden and so those delusions are under examination.  I'm working on seeing what is in need of attention, prioritizing them and just going from there.  Instead of adding layers of thoughts/worry/comparison.  I simply begin.

The main things is that our thoughts don't have to be counteracted with thoughts.  Our thoughts can be befriended by simply existing.  Sounds so simple but it is a life journey!  We must not forget this, as it is so easy to be difficult on ourselves about our transformation.

Each day
Each breath
An opportunity to exist, to listen, to love ourselves and all those around us.
And none of these opportunities necessitate words (to form thoughts and judgement.)
Free opportunities.

Let's be here now.


And now.

And say we forget for days...for months...for years.
It's never too late.


Now.
now.


Simply
Lovingly
Exist.


Part II: 



And Anam also continued to emphasize something we hear all of the time:
"Everything is within your consciousness."
As both samsara and nirvana come from our thoughts.
Happiness and unhappiness come from our thoughts.

Yet to know this with our heart is much different than understanding this mentally.

What is the path to freedom?
What am I doing on this planet?
What is my path- in regards to relationship, professional, family...?

This is all within.
The process of meditation is to look within ourselves and to see why we suffer.  And from that we grow compassionate.  We grow sensitive.    We grow wise.  We grow fearless.
And when we look inside we ask ourselves directly the answers to our questions.  And this particular self, is the true self, free from mental delusion.

(And one might be saying, well I'm not free yet of my delusion, but we all have moments of freedom if we can step into the present.)




Life is messy and beautiful and so on.

time to let it all in.

May this be of benefit.