My grandmother is my heart.

My Love and I argued about nothing.  It was so about nothing that it infuriated me and I erupted.  My grandmother has been in the hospital in a serious condition and so the space I hold since has been tender and anxious.  My grandmother is my lineage.  I understand her and when I am with her I know I come from her heart and her life blood.  I know why I am touched so strongly by this world.  I know why the earth kingdom is my most precious treasure and why it has always been.  My grandmother is fire and beauty.  Skin of our powerful Sun and heart of Space, vast and ever present.  Last when I was with her I would just hold her hand throughout our hours and hours of meals.  Her hand, so warm and strong, with painted nails, always.  I have actually never seen her not in color and to me she is Color, the living of life tangibly and intangibly.

So this is where my night, 24 hours ago, began.  My uncle sending updates about my grandmother and me holding them in my heart, feeling my love for my grandmother so deeply and sorrowfully and appreciatively.  Back to my eruption.  I have been anxious since yesterday and am anxious now below everything.  Life is precious as my grandmother is reminding me and has told me many times.  I don't want to waste my life on nothing arguments.  I want to be love.  I want to be completely offering love all of the time.  I am serious, all of the time.  I am going to do this and it is beginning now.  This is my work and not the work of another soul.

Presently, I am putting attention to my mind's workings.  Even for the little things that others do, that I seemingly do not find fanciful, I find understanding in their actions.  I am seeing myself in what others do.  It's worth the energy and I already see so much more empathy for others.  It feels good and I feel good.  What a relief!

I wrote this last week and now a week has passed and my grandmother has gone from the doctors thinking she had one more day to live, to her possibly living a complete life.  She is a strong woman.  After she came through the tunnel of darkness and came back out to the light, the doctors! even said she has the nature of body and mind of someone 20 years her youth and were startled by her rebound.  I am inspired and smiling, even if they say this to everyone! I'll take it.

May my grandmother continue to be stronger than she was before her physical system weakened and may all beings in need of better health and more breath be in peace and in love.  

To the preciousness of life.